Each one of us uses a unique signal to end a conversation. It is common for people to say things like “it was nice seeing/talking to you” or “don’t let me keep you” to politely indicate that they want to wrap things up. My signature move is leaning in and lightly tapping you on your arm before saying a sing song “alriiiight …” If I hit you with one of these well, your time is up.
Funny how we can sense how long a conversation is going to last before even having it. Whether you accidentally bump into someone or plan a conversation ahead of time, you can pretty much nail down the amount of time needed to interact with the person in front of you before closing the chapter on them. And in most cases it’s with someone you are familiar with.
In learning to become efficient, we have become keen on ending conversations before even starting them. And it doesn’t matter if it’s work related or personal, we just want to fast forward to the end of the dialogue and get our point across in the fastest possible way with as little damage possible to or own interests.
Great business sense (to some extent), but counterproductive in personal settings.
People who know me agree that I’m not a very social person. I’ve actually done a really good job alienating myself and slowly phasing people out of my life, so in an effort to maintain a typical young adult existence, I’ve decided that I wanted to expand my circle of friends and make new acquaintances (who doesn’t?) and I’m going to do that my initiating conversations with people who can potentially become a staple in my life.
My first resolution is to stop planning ways to murder conversations, and instead find excuses to start talking to people.
There is a small problem though. As an Emirati girl, I’m conditioned to be approached rather than initiate interactions. I’m expected to doll up and wait for (older) women and (all sorts of) men to initiate conversations with me. If we switched roles, I’d be seen as forward or ballsy, and not in a flattering way.
Would it be that bad if I was the initiator?
What better way to find out than to experiment, and what better place to experiment than in the biggest cyber laboratory of all… Twitter
I’ve always been secretly curious about a group fellow tweeps. In lack of a better word, I find them marvelously interesting. We’ve been tweeting back and forth for a while and I found them like-minded and like-hearted. I identified two tweeps that I thought would be least likely to shoot me down and DMed each of them for coffee. They each accepted (joy!) and I ended up having a surprisingly good time.
Success! At least for the time being.
The pessimist in me says that I was lucky to have contacted tweeps that were willing to randomly meet up with strangers (and come out alive), but the optimistic me says that I don’t have to wait around anymore for Coincidence to introduce me to new people and potential keepers.
I don’t expect to hit it off with every new person I meet, but the naive part of me wishes I do.
I am still planning on meeting new people this way so watch out I’m on the prowl!
Just like any other risky situation, It's important to be prepared. I stick with a few tips to make this as safe and enjoyable as possible:
1- Who to meet: be smart about the choice of person you want to meet. Aim for someone you have great chemistry with and have had interactive discussions before (guarantees that the person will know and remember you)
2- Appointment: propose the meeting at least one week in advance. Remember that they are not your friends and they wont just drop everything to meet you.
3- Continuation: continue communicating until the meeting. Don't just stop because you'll see the person soon.
4- Safety: meet in a busy open public area (malls, popular coffee shops ...etc) Cinemas are awkward because you are within each others personal spaces and there is no way to converse. It is preferable to meet during the daylight hours.
5- Duration: aim to meet for an hour. Don't do it over a meal because it's difficult to just get up and leave if you wanted to end the meeting for any reason. Coffees are great because you can each pay for you coffee and not wait for the bill (bill wrestling matches is not as fun with people you don't know)
6- Expectations: Don't expect that you will become best friends after the first meeting. A witty and light conversation is a great first step.
7- Last resort: If you are still unsure about what you are doing, bring a friend. It's OK. Just let the person you are meeting with know beforehand.
Meeting new people should be fun but most importantly safe, so play it smart.
Do you have any stories you would like to share or discuss? I’d love to hear and learn from you so please contact me on my Twitter handle @amiri_decree
